3 REAL THINGS: Spilling Water, Why Do My Armpits Smell Worse? & Writing Together
“Sounds like you need a writing group,” she said. She was right.
After years writing consistently, I’ve found myself unexpectedly stuck. Bigger essays are getting the best of me. The deep fatigue of parenting and physical recovery sometimes sneaks in like a gremlin and yanks the thoughts from my head. (I swear I had an idea, I’ll think to myself. I just have no idea where it went.) And so it is. For now, I find myself going back to basics. When I’m stuck, I try to find my way back by setting a timer for ten minutes. I’m joining writing groups and writing jams, hosting my own writing club, and setting up creative constraints that help me write more.
So this is the writing prompt: write three snippets about three things. Wwrite about 3 GOOD THINGS, about 3 RANDOM THINGS or even about 3 REAL THINGS. Pick a category, and write three short blurts about what’s happened in your life this week or this month. Today I’m writing about three real, albeit random, things. If you’d like to use the prompt to write your own list, I’d love to see what’s in your life lately. Share yours in the comments. — Sarah
Three Real Things.
Every so often, I look around and I realize, time is tumbling forward, and THIS HERE—this right here—this IS my life. When the child knocks the water cup over and I race to get a towel to soak it up. Or the fact that my armpits have a new scent and I vaguely wonder if that’s a sign of perimenopause, or if I’m just in need of a deep scrub. (Or possibly both. When was the last time I showered? You know, it’s a really good thing you can’t smell through the Internet.) And I wonder how to take care of myself in the mess of it all, and hold on to this life, these feelings, these moments. Because this right here? This is my life.
(Tick, tock, tick) Doo, doo, doo-doo
(Tick, tock, tick) Doo, doo, doo-doo
(Tick, tock, tick) Doo, doo, doo-doo
(Tick, tock, tick) Doo, doo, doo-doo
Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'
Into the future
Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'
Into the future
— Fly Like An Eagle // Steve Miller Band
1.
Spilled Water.
EVERY TIME I’M AROUND A KID AND THEY SPILL WATER — and they always spill water, I don’t know how they manage to punch their hands forward so spastically and just knock those cups flying, but it seems to happen at least once a day. Well wait a second, to be fair, I also spill a lot of water cups. So I think the real truth is more that we are a klutzy group of gangly animals and perhaps we shouldn’t be carrying water all over the place. Maybe we should be shoving our faces into rivers and gulping mouthfuls from waterfalls when we’re really dehydrated and leaving the cups and attempts at civilization behind.
But I digress.
Here’s the moment. Picture it in slow motion, if you will. The five-year-old is at the table and she’s drawing. She reaches forward for a different pen. Her beautifully pudgy hand slams into the cup (do your eyes work?) and the cup tilts sideways and the water gushes out. It was so full it must have taken quite a punch to get it to fall. The water is rapidly spreading out across the table, hungry to lick the paper, the books, the stuffies. Everything is getting wet.
The child is not moving.
She looks at the water cup, and then at me, and says—without moving or doing anything else—“OH NOooooo. My Waaaater.”
Can we pause here and talk about how I must have been screamed at as a child, because my impulse is to FUCKING JUMP AND RUN TO GET A TOWEL. HURRY! HURRY! DON’T GET THINGS WET! YOU’RE GOING TO DESTROY THE BOOK! GET UP! RUN! (Why is the child still sitting there?). Why is my inner impulse one of panic and screaming? Where does that come from?) And yet with restraint, in my most patient voice, I say, “Alright go get a towel, hurry hurry please! Get it before things get soaked!”) There is the adult part of my mammalian self that says, THIS IS A TEACHING MOMENT, HOW CAN YOU ENCOURAGE THEM TO BE BOTH CALM AND QUICK? IS THERE A WAY TO TEACH THEM AGENCY AND SPEED?
But also, please help me understand this. Are the kids just unaware? Have I taken care of this for them for too long? Or perhaps this is an executive function skill that only comes online later, at like, ten years old. Why are all the children so unbothered by spilled water? Have I coddled them fully? Do I need to let out a scream? WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO JUMPS IN WITH URGENCY AND WHY IS NO ONE ELSE BOTHERED? IS THERE AN OPTION FOR ME TO DO NOTHING? IS THAT ACTUALLY AN OPTION? I DON’T THINK IT IS BECAUSE I AM THE ONE WHO WILL PURCHASE THE REPLACEMENTS OF THE THINGS?
We cleaned up the water and they are drawing again. I am blow-drying the papers so that they can keep working on their drawings. Was I doing something else before? Unclear.
2.
Deodorant that works!
MY KIDS HAVE TOLD ME THAT MY ARMPITS STINK. BUT I ALREADY KNEW THIS. — There is a new odor, a new scent, if you will, and I can’t tell if it’s that my deodorant has failed me, or the summer is so stuffy that I’ve been sweating more, or if perhaps perimenopause is causing new flavors to emerge.
After a week of showering twice a day—and then using dish soap to scrub these pits—I confessed to my friends that the old routine wasn’t working. And let me tell you, talking to your friends about hygiene stuff should be a mandatory weekly memo, because the girls (and gays) have the information. Here’s what I learned from the group chat:
Not every deodorant works with every body. You have to find the right fit. Different scents can combine with the bacteria types in your armpit and turn into a new smell, which can result in sour, musty, or stank.
It’s all about the bacteria in the armpit, and making sure that they aren’t reproducing. They cling to clothes, so if your laundry isn’t top shape (or you wear workout fabrics), they don’t get eliminated in a basic wash. I use SportWash for my workout clothes, with a monthly round of baking soda (in the wash) and vinegar (in the rinse). It’s working!
A lot of deodorants have extra silicones, lotions, or lubricants and those FEEL good but they can stick to skin and trap bacteria all up in there, so you NEED to use a washcloth or a scrubber to get the particles off.
After you shower? BLOW DRY YOUR ARMPITS. This was new to me! But if you get out of the shower and the moisture stays up in there, your bacteria will multiply!
You can use an AHA or BHA solution (the toner for your face) on your armpits. Bacteria doesn’t like acidic environments. But be careful and gentle — a deep scrub can make you sensitive, and I’ve been told not to do this right after shaving.
Put deodorant on AT NIGHT. What!?
So far my results are in: I’m liking the Old Spice (Wolfthorne is a citrus smell I like, the man scents are too strong against my nose), and Lume (the orange one). Blow-drying has been a game changer. You can also stand in front of an air conditioner if you’re in the 90+ degree weather situations that I’m living in.
3.
Writing Together
I WAS SITTING WITH A FRIEND AT COFFEE and I mentioned that I was struggling with writing on my own. “Sounds like you need a writing group,” she said. It’s a marvel, sometimes, when people speak the truth out loud, in a place where you can see it and hear it. Because for some reason this was NOT OBVIOUS TO ME AT THE TIME. (We really do need each other. We need to say these things to each other, back and forth, because we exist not just as independent free-floating human blobs, we exist in relationship to each other and in response to each other.)
So I gave it a bit of a think, and then decided I would put together a small writing group where people can join me every week, and we’ll write together. It’s a simple group, a weekly space to practice, every Monday at 10am Pacific (1pm Eastern). It’s called Writing Club, and we show up and share what we’re working on, write together for 30-40 minutes, and then read a paragraph of what we’ve written out loud. All the details are here.
A few weeks later, I saw this friend again and she said, “Look at you! You made it happen!”
This is the kind of support we all need. Encouragement to get what we need, to make things happen, and to cheer each other on.
Feed the babies who don’t have enough to eat
Shoe the children with no shoes on their feet
House the people livin’ in the street
Oh, oh, there’s a solution.
— Fly Like An Eagle // Steve Miller Band
What are three good things (or three real things) happening in your life?
— xo Sarah
